When the anxiety overtakes me...

Not feeling very beautiful at all this evening ... inside or out! Mental Health blog coming up...

We’ve had a wonderful day, exploring Lisbon and enjoying the sights, sounds and aromas of this great city. We’ve done a tram tour, walked for miles up hills and steps, more hills and more steps, all fabulous but tiring. We’ve explored downtown and eaten delicious baguettes and French pastries (yes, I do realise we’re in Portugal but the cafe beckoned to us), watched street performers and managed not to buy sunglasses or bracelet tees from the many wandering vendors.

The trip has been planned for a while, we both needed a break. I confess, I’m not the biggest fan of flying, but I did it and feel chuffed that I did it: it’s rather paradoxical that I love to explore, try new things and take photographs but I sometimes suffer from crippling anxiety.
This visit, a much wanted and anticipated break, is a source of anxiety to me. Even though my logical brain says, ‘you’re fine’ my physical symptoms and emotions say things like, ‘ooo, aching legs, maybe another DVT,’ or ‘hmmm, painful jaw, tingles in the hands, backache...heart attack symptoms you know..’
I DO know ... that the legs are more likely unused to this level of hill walking and I have inherited mum’s varicose veins, and the other things are more likely to be me clenching my jaw, hunching my shoulders and tensing up.
Graham always does his very best to reassure me and I get super cross and frustrated with myself because I feel I’m letting him down...there are many things we both hoped to do and I’m stopping them from happening.
Sometimes - increasingly so - I can be bold, step out and kick anxiety in the pants. Sometimes - and this is where I’m at tonight - despite using all my strategies, despite praying hard and telling God how much I love and trust Him with every minute detail of my life, I still falter.

Tonight we were going to go and eat Tapas and listen to Fado (the national music of Portugal) ... it would only need 10 minutes of walking down familiar streets but here I sit, writing (catharsis) while Graham has gone out for a walk. I’m trying to relax, be bold and embrace another new experience but every twinge serves to redirect my logical thoughts to e optional, unrealistic ones.

I’d love to pull myself together. I do need to get on with it and just go out. I do need to consider Graham’s feelings and wishes. I do need to trust God more. And...all the other well-meant words of ‘encouragement’ that lovely people offer...

Thing is you see, I won’t always feel this way, I won’t always be crippled like this. We all have those ‘thorns in our sides’ to deal with and maybe this is mine.

Tomorrow is another day, sometimes things seem different in daylight. Hopefully, I’ll wake ready for the next adventure.

Love Sundays ❤️

Hi everyone, Happy Sunday,

Today has been rather marvellous...a challenging, but fantastic, talk at church followed by lunch with one of my loveliest friends over from the Midlands for a couple of days, rounded off by a beautiful gig by a beautiful lady and her husband.

In a recent post I divulged that I’ve never really felt beautiful on the outside, well, there are definitely times when inner beauty seems rather lacking too.
Today I was reminded that, as someone who’s handed over the reigns of my life to God, Ive got to grab hold of the truth that I’m created in God’s image (so are you) but I’m still a work in progress. I’m not perfect...if anything I’m probably a bit too hard on myself...and I do let my opinion of myself get coloured by how others might see me. I think most of us are sensitive to negative opinions and personal criticism. I allow myself to hold on to negative feelings formed in the past instead of accepting God’s forgiveness and living in the now. I even sometimes feel ashamed or guilty about things over which I’ve no power or control, taking the blame for things I’ve not done!

So, while God continues to work on me, I’m going to work on believing that I’m a child of God, loved, forgiven, accepted and that that is wonderful.

Outer beauty is very much another work in progress.  My team leader has passed on a few more Tropic products to try while I await the arrival of my own sales kit. The skincare routine is simple and amazing ... only 2 days in and I’m noticing changes ... smooth, hydrated skin and the rings under my eyes don’t seem so dark. Keep watching this space!

Meanwhile, I’ve set a date for my launch party, Friday 27th October...to my lovely friends who aren’t local, I should have my online shop ready to go then by then so there’s no need to miss out.

All things aside, G and I spent a great afternoon with my beautiful friend, B, and her hubby, D. We enjoyed a fab Sunday lunch, a dog walk and a lengthy catch up. It’s greatto have the kind of friendships that just pick up where they left off ... we figured it’s 2 years since we last met up...makes me wonder if lots of us don’t have wrong priorities?

Jill

Thanks...and that back story

Did you watch The Apprentice this week? Is it just me or are the candidates (or editing) getting more rowdy? I watched with some surprise...but hey, I guess that's a reaction and it keeps the audience engaged!!

Cast your mind back - if you can - to 2011, Series 7 and a young lady called Susan Ma; she didn't win, but the story goes that Mrs/Lady Sugar liked the look of the Skincare products she was developing and asked to try some.

Susie was born in China - a very poor start - she and her mum moved to Australia aged 7, then England 5 years later. She struggled, helping her mum on a market stall setting up her skin care business aged 15, making body scrub in the kitchen at home. Her products were so popular that she was able to pay off her mum's mortgage.

Meanwhile, back at Al's gaff, Mrs/Lady Sugar liked the products...very much! In spite of not winning the programme, Lord S offered to back Susie's products, Topic Skincare. The rest, as they say, is history...Tropic offers over 100 products, has more that 10,000 Ambassadors (I'm one!!!)

Hope to have a launch party next week...watch this space and THANK YOU for reading so far...please do subscribe to make sure you stay up to date.

Jill



P.S. If you'd like to see some of Susie's story - follow the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03nBqYUYbQk

The original product, made by Susie aged 15 and sold in jam jars on Greenwich Market. 

As you can see, it's much more refined now!

It's official ... I own a small business, eek!

I've been very flat lately, super flat; life for the past couple of years has been rather manic. G and I are not special, we recognise that life throws curved balls at other people too, but we do seem to have had one life changing incident after another.

One result was that I recently ended my teaching career, a sad but most likely necessary change but it's left me feeling a bit useless and unsure of what to do next; my confidence has taken a nose-dive. So I prayed, filled in applications for part time jobs, had a couple of interviews and...not yet or not the right thing. I was journalling at church when a lovely lady joined me; we chatted and I came around to the possibility of trying something completely new, an exciting challenge, something I could develop for myself. She explained how she'd done something similar at a time in her life when things were tough and talked about the boost it has given her and the passion it ignited. It's also very sociable and supportive. I may have shown more than a flicker of interest.

Well, it sounded a bit too good to be true but, as I'd just been asking God to direct me I felt I couldn't ignore it. I went home, logged on to the computer and started my research...I couldn't find a negative thing about the parent company or the lady who founded it.

So I researched the products...aha, a couple of negative reviews...nope, one or two mistaken purchases or a product that didn't suit - apologies issued and refunds given. 

I wrote yesterday about the company ethos - no nasties, all ingredients sustainable, made freshly in UK, no carbon footprint, no animal testing, vegan, gluten free...the list went on. 

Well then, it had to be super expensive, didn't it? Even then, not so...comparable to very popular mid-high end products.

I was invited to a meeting (there's a regular monthly support meeting - seemed more like a girl's night out to me) where the area manager explained how she'd found the brand and signed up, then a couple of more recent converts shared their stories.

Well - to cut a long story short - I loved the products, the ethos, the possibilities and the challenge SO, I have become an ambassador for TROPIC skincare :)

There's a fascinating back story, but I'll share that next time... 

Heck! Me! A business owner!

Jill

...and all the packaging is minimal and eco too. It's sooooo pretty!!!

Looking after the outside

I've never considered myself beautiful; for a start, I've struggled with weight all my life, have pretty low self-esteem and have periods of depression from time to time.

I'm not looking for sympathy as all of these things are manageable with the right kind of support (and a lot of love - thanks family and friends).

I generally have good skin and that's a blessing. Thing is, just lately, I've noticed a couple of extra lines, a blemish or two...one of the inevitable things about growing older. Any kind of skin care routine has been decidedly haphazard and I've used whatever suitable product fell of the supermarket shelf - especially if it was on offer. So, my friends, the time has come to look after the outside! 

I can't pinpoint when my passion for eco-friendly began, probably a mixture of seeing the amount of litter around the countryside and beach or watching a TV programme showing just how much our human waste affects the environment and our fellow inhabitants of planet earth. Maybe it's an age thing, but I've even started reading ingredient labels on the things I buy!

This led me to experimenting with making my own washing powder, conditioner, cleaning sprays and toilet cleaner without the nasties. Not only do they work and have much less impact on our surroundings but, after the initial trials and a little time, they work out significantly cheaper - especially if you buy the ingredients in bulk.

Well, the natural next step was to look at personal products and, after research, I've found something that:

Doesn't contain parabens... - a preservative found in most personal hygiene products - Parabens have been measured in breast tissue, breast milk and placental tissue. High concentrations of parabens have been found to mimic the actions of oestrogen, which is associated with increased risk of breast cancer. . [source: https://www.breastcanceruk.org.uk]

...or SLS/ALS... Sodium lauryl sulphate (SLS) is a chemical that’s commonly used in soaps, shampoos, shower gels and toothpaste. It works as a surfactant, trapping oil-based dirt so that it can be rinsed away with water. It’s also an effective foaming agent — it turns liquids into foam, creating the rich lather that most of us expect and enjoy when we’re washing our face, hair and body.

Despite being used safely and successfully since the 1930s, SLS has a bad reputation. Although experts agree that it’s safe to use, SLS can be drying. This is more likely to be an issue for those who have dry, processed or afro hair, or suffer from skin conditions like eczema, dermatitis or psoriasis. [source:  https://uk.lush.com/article/dont-stress-about-sls]

...or unsustainable palm oil... We've all seen those horrific images of rainforest being destroyed in the quest for palm oil, indigenous peoples being removed from their lands, rare and beautiful animals being dislodged from their homes. Demand for palm oil continues to increase with almost 50% of the things we eat, drink or use in the UK contains this precious substance - and that's just the UK!

... or formaldehydes ( I remember using this to pickle rats during my A Level Biology course), Phthalates, Alcohol/Ethanol, Methylisothiazolinone, Mineral oils, Petroleum, Gluten, Lanolin, Talc, Triclosan, Beeswax, Honey, Harsh preservatives, Toxic chemicals and Microbeads.

The added bonus is that there is guaranteed no animal testing - all products are vegan, ethical, green, freshly made in the UK and the company runs carbon neutral. Well, it all sounded a bit too good to be true, right? That's what I thought - there has to be a catch - and I suspected that everything would be super expensive.

More research showed that the products are not super cheap, but neither are they ridiculously expensive. They compare with the likes of Clinique, Lancome, Estee Lauder, Charlotte Tilbury, Elemis and L'Occitane and in many cases work out cheaper.

So, you've probably sussed by now that I'm impressed and have begun buying and trying these products. First impressions are fab...nothing artificial, gorgeous natural scents and simple to use. I'll keep you posted on any changes. 

Oh, and I might have decided to join the company as an ambassador...my own business at the grand old age of almost six-oh!!!

I'm currently planning a launch party...and I'm ridiculously excited...you're all invited of course!

Jill

The Obligatory Introductory Post...

Ten things about me...

1. One of my eyes is blue, the other is brown. The proper word to describe this is heterochromia, who knew? Discovered today that one of my favourite Norwich City players, Russell Martin has the same.

2. Do you like horoscopes? I'm not a fan at all BUT I do know I was born on the cusp of Libra and Scorpio, October 23rd.

3. I was born a townie, but love the country. Fortunately, my lovely husband, Graham, is a Norfolk boy and a little over 12 years ago we were able to move over here. This is definitely my spiritual home.

4. I love paper, pencils, craft materials etc. etc. My late grandmother used to call me 'The Paper Queen' ... my family would probably say I still live up to that title.

5. Many years ago, in the days of vinyl, I ran a mobile disco up on Teesside where I grew up. I still love music to this day.

6. I'm a Potterphile. I belong in Griffindor and my patronus is a Piebald Mare. My wand is made of Larch, is 12.5 inches and quite bendy. I’m really looking forward to the next magical world movie, The Crimes of Grindlewald.

7. Baking makes me happy ... especially when other people enjoy eating it!

8. For as long as I can recall I wanted to be a teacher. After one false start, I returned to college, qualified and became ... a teacher. Although no longer in school, I still love working with children of all ages...even the adult ones

9. All my adult life I've struggled, on and off, with depression. I've learned a lot about myself as I've been helped towards wellness and I love to use that knowledge to support others.

10. Photography is a passion of mine. I LOVE to make images of all genres. I'm sure you'll get to see a lot of them on these pages over time.

Over to you ... please comment below and introduce yourself!